** Actually, no, the kitchen sink is included as well.
A One Mann’s Movies review of “The Conjuring: Last Rites” (2025, 2*, 15).
The problem of having a great summer of horror – with “Bring Her Back“, “Weapons” and “Together” – is that it brings ‘traditional’ horror films like “The Conjuring: Last Rites” into horribly sharp perspective. Because this ‘finale’ to the Conjuring series feels like an overlong mess.
One Mann’s Movies Rating:
Plot:
Based on the ‘true’ stories (yeah, right!) of exorcist specialists Lorraine and Ed Warren, this episode sees them reluctantly dragged into the case of investigating the spooky going on of the Smurl family from Philadelphia.
Certification:
UK: 15; US: R. (From the BBFC web site: “Strong horror, violence, injury detail”).
Talent:
Starring: Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson, Mia Tomlinson, Elliot Cowan, Rebecca Calder, Ben Hardy, Beau Gadsdon, John Brotherton, Madison Lawlor, Kate Fahy, Shannon Kook, Steve Coulter, Peter Wight, Kíla Lord Cassidy, Molly Cartwright.
Directed by: Michael Chaves.
Written by: Ian Goldberg, Richard Naing & David Leslie Johnson-McGoldrick. (Based on a story by David Leslie Johnson-McGoldrick & James Wan and characters created by Chad Hayes & Carey W. Hayes.)
Running Time: 2h 15m.
Summary:
Positives:
- Vera Farmiga is very good.
- A few very specific scenes work in isolation.
Negatives:
- I’m not an expert (or even a novice) on the Conjuring universe, but this just seemed to be an utter mess of past components thrown into a blender.
- The film is excruciatingly slow in trying to build the relationships between the Warren family and new boyfriend Tony (Ben Hardy).
- At 135 minutes, it is interminable.
Full Review of “The Conjuring: Last Rites”:
A dreadful mish-mash of supernatural threats.
The ‘Conjuring Universe’ started in 2013 with “The Conjuring” before spawning seven other films through to 2023 including three “Annabelle” and two “The Nun” films. So this movie is the ninth in the series. As most of these happened during the busiest period in my IT career, I never got into them at all. So coming in to this one feels like I’ve arrived at a party when all the other guests are putting their coats on! But, although I perhaps missed a few Easter Eggs, I don’t think my confusion at this story relates to my lack of background knowledge.
Because this just struck me as a big mess.
The backstory to the dodgy birth of Judy Warren (Mia Tomlinson) is decent enough as a pre-titles scene. But then we get pitched into a confusingly long introduction to the Smurl family – eight of them – squeezed into a Philadelphia terrace. As I was watching, I was wondering “who the hell are these people”?
When the supernatural sh*t hits the fan, it comes as such a mish-mash of different hauntings that it is difficult to keep up with what’s happening and why. There are various spooky female apparitions; a very physically present axe-wielding ghoul; a possessed crawling doll (not Annabelle) and other things going bump in the night that you realise that this is a very possessed house indeed. But then the troublesome (to the ghouls) Father Gordon (Steve Coulter), who has been in previous films, visits a completely different physical location where the ghouls seem to also be waiting… which made no sense to me.
And why is Annabelle there?
The sense of scriptwriting desperation felt like it was dialled to 11 when Annabelle, the porcelain horror, turns up… when we have already seen her locked in her box in the Warren’s ‘vault’. What? Why? How?
Throwing all of this horror at the screen might be fine if this was a 90 minute in-and-out shocker. But we spend interminable time in fatuous conversations between the Warrens and Judy’s boyfriend Tony (Ben Hardy) which might have been fine in another film, but in this one – stretching endlessly out to 135 minutes – it was dull and awful.
Only a few positive points.
I struggle to find much positive to say about this one.
Vera Farmiga is as professional as ever and seems to be giving the material her very best. I also found myself looking forward to when Mia Tomlinson (Judy) was back on the screen: a very dynamic and personable young actress.
A few individual scenes also worked half-decently for me: one with Judy in a wedding dress in a hall of mirrors was creepy; and the one with Shannon Smurl (Molly Cartwright) and the creepy doll (although flagging its jump scares well in advance) was at least fun.
Monkeys?
There are photos of the real Ed and Lorraine Warren over the start of the end titles, but then there is a monkey after the end-credits which gives some ‘facts’ (arf!) about an object seen in the movie.
Summary Thoughts:
This is not a good film. It’s not even a good horror film. Yet another case of ‘more is less’, the film mixes a random smorgasbord of horror staples with dull and tedious family discussion to create an overlong mess of a movie.
Where to watch?
Trailer:
The trailer is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMgfsdYoEEo.
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